The Mommy Test

Kimba has been kind enough to relay the following mommy joke:

I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that.

"Why?"

"Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs."

At this point she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, "Um, it's on the mommy test. You have to know it or they don't let you be a mommy."

"Oh." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes but, she was evidently pondering this new information.

"I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk you have to be the daddy."

It's funny because it's true.

New Baby

Where's Mikey? Otherwise occupied...


Mama, papa, and our sweet newborn baby Gabi.

In the future, Gabi news and pictures can be found on Baby Gabi's blog.

Blogger's Block

I swear that there were several news items I had interest in commenting on earlier today, but nothing really seems to strike my fancy right now. So a random diversion it is:

LAUNCHcast Radio

Internet radio. I started getting into it over the weekend. Not much to say really, except that if you happen to Yahoo! (and I know a few of you do), you can build your own custom station with your own eclectic or mundane musical tastes in mind. My station seems to be a conglomeration of rock of all kinds at the moment, featuring artists such as Counting Crows, Aerosmith, Matchbox Twenty, Train, John Mayer, Goo Goo Dolls, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Green Day, Sheryl Crow, Nirvana, Bon Jovi, Foo Fighters, and Nickelback, to name a few. Yeah, I know, not much indie in me, but I've never been one to shun the mainstream just because it's the mainstream.

Duhks

I was listening to NPR this afternoon, and caught this segment about this musical group:


The Duhks

So, I don't even know if I should try to tell you what kind of music they play. I guess it qualifies as folk music, but it's got so many other roots that it hardly seems fair to limit it so. Seriously, look at their picture--not what you think a folk band should look like. It's more like rock with really deep roots... I don't know... I think maybe it's just "cool" music.

In the two years that they've been a unit, many have tried to describe The Duhks' music-- "contemporary acoustic," "progressive soul-grass," and “kick-ass rock/folk fusion” being just a few of the attempts to classify the group.

There are elements appropriated from Irish fiddle tunes, Canadian French and Scots/Maritime folk, and Appalachian Old Time string band in their high-energy music--but from the first sight of The Duhks (pronounced as in "That's Just Ducky" and "Ducks a' L'Orange"), you know that no stab in the classifying dark can quite capture the synthesis and musical attack of this crew.

I highly recommend taking a listen to their stuff:

• Duhks.com: 3 songs on their official website


• NPR.org: Live stuff from their NPR segment as well as a couple of samples off their CD

In addition, I find it highly amusing that this band apparently grew out of a band named "Scruj MacDuhk." For those of you who don't catch that reference, that's a reference to the lead character of Disney's DuckTales (whoo-oo).

Okay, nobody say Wead...

I am highly amused that Bush's marijuana use is being brought to light by a guy named Wead...



WEAD!!!


You know, I didn't think it was a particularly big deal when Clinton and Gore admitted having tried marijuana. There are worse things you could have done in your life. Granted, I'd rather have a president who isn't a pot head over one who tokes up in the Oval Office... So the difference is whether you come out and admit it or do your best to skirt the issue. W has opted for the latter route, stating:

"I wouldn't answer the marijuana questions... You know why? Because I don't want some little kid doing what I tried."

Really, I feel that these tapes are innocuous. I mean, they reveal that Bush is a politician like everyone else, and to be honest, I'm impressed with some of his comments. For example, these tapes show him going through his reasoning why he wouldn't publicly bash gay people:

...because I'm a sinner. How can I differentiate sin?

It's nice to see some compassion in his conservative facade. I mean, I'm not sure I would personally equate being gay with being sinful, but that's a matter where Bush's beliefs aren't necessarily mine. It's nice to see a glimpse of him being similarly accepting of people who don't think the same way he does.

Anyway, what I really wanted to comment about in this story was the amount of scrutiny you get as a public figure. I'm sure we all have dreams of being famous, but the media seems to pick up on every detail of your life. I mean, I don't think I could deal with having my life splashed across supermarket tabloids every week. For example, whenever I head out to pick up some milk and juice, I can't check out without getting an update on Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt or Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey and their broken relationships. It's not surprising that their relationships are so troubled considering that every minute of their lives is recorded for posterity. If you had a fight with your spouse, how could you possibly forgive him if you were reminded of what he did every time you turned on the TV? Sure, you can say that, well, that's what you get for being part of a reality show, but not everyone who is famous begs to have their lives analyzed. And really, no one deserves to be denied the opportunity to live with some dignity.

I think the problem is so much worse if you're an elected official. You sought the position, hopefully, because you thought you could be a leader or an advocate. You wanted to serve, regardless of how famous that makes you. It would be such a distraction to your ability to lead to have to defend every aspect of your life until now... and then have to defend the way you defended your life.

So George, I don't really like you so much. But I pity you for never having the chance to live things down. You've just been branded (again) as a smoker, a joker, and a midnight toker, whether or not that has anything to do with your current ability to lead (or lack thereof). I offer my sincerest condolences to you, space cowboy.

For good or for awesome: Cranium

We're headed out to a game night sponsored by our church's young adult group. We were asked to bring our favorite game. Our favorite game is:


Cranium

For those of you with no board game savvy, Cranium is a totally awesome game, which combines a little bit of several team board games. There's a little drawing, a little acting, a little trivia, and a little wordplay. The concept is brilliant. Every time you try to play a game with a group of people, you have someone who feels left out. For example, my lovely wife absolutely hates Trivial Pursuit because she's not a big fan of trivia. Well, with the variety of challenges this game presents, everyone can be a part of the team and have fun doing something.

In addition to the original game, the creators have also recently added a Turbo Edition with added activities and a faster pace. We're considering picking that one up later on. We're also in need of a booster box of cards, having played our Cranium game so much.

At any rate, I highly recommend this game. Now we're off to play it... so bye.

Not much.

We're shortly off to pillage for baby things. That's right, we're in training to be viking parents. As such, just a short post to tide you loyal readers over until such time as I have to write more extensively.

Whad'Ya Know?

I want to first point out that the website for Whad'Ya Know is "notmuch.com." Briefly, this is a very fun little radio broadcast that we get to listen to on NPR on Saturday mornings. Unfortunately, I'm usually sleeping in on Saturday morning when I'm not working on Saturday morning. That is, I rarely get the chance to listen, but I often wish I had the chance, because I always enjoy listening. They travel around the country and broadcast from a different city each week. In doing so, you get a nice slice of Americana if you tune in various weeks... A short quote from today's show, broadcast from Louisville, KY... lovingly referred to as being in "Kentuckiana"--as it is situated on the Kentucky-Indiana border:

Well, I guess it's better than Indiyucky.

--Michael Feldman

It's fun. Check it out.

Plotting a murder

Looking for a new blog post? Sorry, the wife and I are busy plotting a murder this evening.

Really, we're putting together one of those murder mystery dinner things, as purchased for us for Christmas by one of her brothers. Here's their site if you're interested:

Merri Mysteries

We're having quite a good time planning everything out. I'll likely elaborate after tomorrow evening's festivities... possibly with pictures of us all dressed up... if you're good.

So for now, um... amuse yourself some other way. Might I suggest The Daily Show with Jon Stewart?

Gee, no hockey

After being ostensively "not dead yet" for months, today, the NHL officially conceded that there is no season.



In other news, no one cared. Except for those folks up in Detroit. I'm told that they actually consider hockey a major American sport up there. For the rest of us, the game hasn't been all that great since Gretsky retired. I personally saw it as a sign of the apocalypse in 1999, when the Dallas Stars and Houston Aeros (aeros?) each won their respective league titles. Hockey? In Texas? Do they even have real ice out there?

Seriously, hockey has always been a back burner kind of sport in the States, except for a short time in 1980, when it was all that mattered to the nation... and that was only at at time when we cared because the Russians were beating us badly at most everything else. It's sad that hockey has gained more attention in its inability to pull itself together than it had in years of obsolescent existence.

In other news, Lieutenant Obvious, NHL commissioner, has been promoted to the rank of captain for his unflinching bold statement in a time of uncertainty about this season. We here in the fleem reactor salute you, Captain Obvious. I hear they even laud his candor in Detroit.

Interview with the Mikey

Magda was gracious enough to interview your humble spoo-defleeminator. Rather autobiographical, so not my usual style of post, but variety is the spice of life (though I personally think that paprika should be). So onward:

Questions for Mikey:


1. Do you know the Muffin Man?

The dude down on Drury Lane? Not personally, no. But I do know this guy who went to Drury, which is up in Springfield, MO. I think they enjoy muffins up there as much as anyone. You know, Bob Barker went to Drury. He apparently played basketball while he was there. So while I may not know the muffin man, I know some random bits of celebrity trivia. You're all impressed, I'm sure.

2. What will be the first song you sing to your daughter after she is born?

In all seriousness, it's probably going to be "Dream a Little Dream of Me." That was the song to which my wife and I first danced when we got married. It was cute, and I anticipate that my daughter will also be quite cute.

3. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was carbon-bonded to the robot. Yes, I just made an obscure reference to one of the most inconsequential movies of all time. Bonus points if you know what it is without having clicked that link. It was not a classic at all.

4. What are your plans for the next phase of your life (location-wise)?

So if I answer that too specifically, there are some who would say that it would be bad juju on the mountain, in terms of karma. So I'll give you this: Here are the 6 cities at the top of our list, in order of East to West:

• Chapel Hill, NC


• Atlanta, GA


• St. Louis, MO


• Houston, TX


• Dallas, TX


• Denver, CO

You'll notice that our plans, location-wise, plan on our getting out somewhere else... to see another part of the country while we're still young and mobile. I'll give you further updates, once we are told where we'll be.

5. Imagine someone had given you some thumbtacks, a pigeon, a theology book, five plastic spoons, and a quart of motor oil for your birthday present. What would your thank-you note say?

You're going to regret asking me that. I would probably make use of a calembour or paronomasia... several, actually... like so... (puns intended)


Dear Giver of Random Gifts,

There are thumb who would say that your cornucopia approach to gift-giving was rather tacky. I would disagree with them on that point, as you have given me birthday memories which will stick with me for ages, certainly more than some thoughtless "Poke-a-mon" doll.

I thought that it was kind of coo to get such a variety of items. And your dropping in out of the blue was a most pheasant surprise. Miss Manners might give you some flock about that, o-wing to the possibility that I might not be in a flit state to entertain. But I hope you could tail that I was most happy to see you.

I god quite a thrill sifting through allah your presents here in my study. From the moment I torah hole in the wrapper, rite to the end, as I reached a-cross the table for the last gift, I was as happy as a pagan the mud. It was an ankh-commonly joyous experience.

I quint imagine what your dispose-ition must have been as you picked out everything from the store. You must have had all of these gift ideas penta up in your mind. I am truly forktunate to have such a knife, kind friend.

So again, thanks so much for the slick box of goodies. I can tell you I enjoyed spilling them out on my desk. Just this morning, I was sitting at the breakfast table in my bunny slip-pers, remembering your labor of lube. Oil think of you every time I use these items.

Love,
Mikey

PS You have an o-pun invitation to stop by any time.

***

Official Rules for the Interview Game

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions—each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
6. I will answer reasonable follow up questions if you leave a comment.

Third Base!

I don't know.

Random, yet classic bit of humor:

The Infamous Who's on First routine as done by Abbott and Costello

Enjoy.

Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

Budget's in! Oh, by the way...

Here's a supplemental request. Nothing much, really. Just 82 Billion Dollars.

It's not fair, really. No one will vote the war supplement down, because no one wants to be the guy who says "nah... our boys will be fine, even without real bullets." I don't have a problem with the need to give financial support to those who are putting their lives on the line for this country, regardless of whether I think they should have been asked to put their lives on the line in the first place.

It just seems--I don't know--dishonest to say that you're taking steps toward balancing the budget... but only because the budget doesn't include the small matter of $82,000,000,000 or so. That's a supplement. I think my wife would beat me down (or at least give me "the look") if I said "Look honey, I only spent $20 on this computer game. Don't mind the $1500 I spent on a new computer system so I can play the game properly. That's a supplement." (Not completely accurate, I know. The Department of Defense has $500 billion as part of the regular budget... But I'd still get beaten down, let me tell you. I'd deserve it, too.)

By the way, since when do our interests in the Ukraine impact on the war/rebuilding effort in Iraq? Just asking.

Can anybody remember when the times were not hard and money not scarce?

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Zoloft and Ultraviolence

...a real kick and good for laughs and lashings of the old ultraviolence...

--Alex, A Clockwork Orange

Reading through this story... briefly, this teen on Zoloft kills his grandparents with a shotgun. The defense is arguing that he did so because he was in a state of confusion from his Zoloft. I'll let the professionals hammer out the details in that sad case.

I bring it up because it reawakened this discussion about whether Zoloft and similar drugs can induce suicide or other violent behaviors in those diagnosed with depression. The FDA has recently softened its warning to state that these drugs "increased the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in short-term studies of adolescents and children." Having had some experience in this, here is a short explanation for those of you less acquainted with the field of psychiatry and its favorite drugs:

One of the symptoms of depression is a feeling of fatigue, when you just don't feel like you have the energy to do anything. Many people who are suffering from major depressive disorder do have suicidal thoughts, but have no energy or willpower to do anything about it. When you're placed on an antidepressant, like Zoloft or Prozac, it alters chemicals in your brain to help fight symptoms of depression. Unfortunately, it can take 6-8 weeks for you to start having any sort of elevated mood. On the other hand, other symptoms can be more immediately reversed, like the lack of energy. So for a window of time, you're left feeling depressed and down, but now you have the energy to carry out the things your depressed mind has been thinking about. So yes, technically, you're more likely to commit suicide when you're first put on an antidepressant. That's why psychiatrists have long recommended close monitoring of those who are just starting out on their antidepressant regimen. But it's not quite correct to say that it causes the suicidality, since it's not like taking the drugs makes you commit suicide if you're not already thinking about it. Capice?

A not so cheery thought on this Valentine's Day. Sorry. I may have something more apropos for you later on this evening. Peace out.

On Fleem and Spoo

By the way, in case you're wondering what's up with the fleem and spoo...


The Dilbert Comic that started it all

I still crack up every time I read that.

Spam Spam Spam Spam...

A Double-Sided Post:

Side A: The Rant


Spam Costs $22 Billion

I'm cleaning out the 180-something emails I've accumulated in the past few days. Most of the volume I attribute to spam. Not the canned meat, the annoying junk mail.

While it was first termed "junk mail" as early as RFC 706, the popular term today is taken from the Monty Python skit where the word "spam" is used more and more frequently in each successive dish, which is kind of similar to the way spam email seems to endlessly build up in your mailbox. The first spam email was sent on May 1st, 1978, by a DEC marketing representative to every ARPANET address on the west coast of the United States. The general reaction was one of outrage, and it hasn't abated since. As of 2003, the majority of email sent on the net is spam, and the sheer amount of noise it generates increasingly threatens to drown out the useful email being sent legitimately.

--http://livinginternet.com/e/et_spam.htm

It made me wonder who actually reads through their spam. According to the article cited at the top of this post, it seems that about 14% of Americans do. Why? Because they like to give the companies an excuse to make the other 86% of us clean out our inboxes more often than we rightfully should. Don't even get me started on the 4% of Americans who have bought something from spam email.

Most of the stuff I get these days is about cheap software or cheap drugs. I think I heard that most of that will be rip-off product. That is to say: If any of you 4% of Americans bought drugs from that email with all the misspelled words, you should probably read the label closely. There's no Q in Prilosec. Ah well, I suppose it's one of those Darwinian things. Onward to the next item...

Side B: The Silliness

Have you heard of this?


Monty Python's Spamalot

According to the official website, it's "A new musical lovingly ripped off from the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail." It apparently also opens February 14th, starring David Hyde Pierce (Niles from Frasier), Tim Curry (Rocky Horror from The Rocky Horror Picture Show) and Hank Azaria (voice of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon and many others of The Simpsons). Quite a cast, I must say. Not to mention the fact that it's written by Eric Idle (...).

Considering what a cult following the film has had (of which I am one), I am surprised there hasn't been more ado about this. I mean, February 14 is 2 days away, yeah? Broadway is a pretty big venue too, yeah?

At any rate, digging deeper, I find that Hormel will be cashing in on the publicity with the following submission:



The musical seems to follow the general story of the film, but with more singing and dancing, I'd presume... King Arthur searching for the Holy Grail... general silliness...

Idle has said the musical will be "as good as or quite likely better than any other show with killer rabbits and a legless knight opening on Broadway or in Chicago this season."

Bonus Tracks:

1. The Original Monty Python SPAM Skit (since you've probably got the Viking SPAM song stuck in your head already)

Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

2. Can you find the SPAM?

King Cake

It's late, and I'm starting to feel groggy from the NyQuil. Briefly, tonight we went to a Mardi Gras party. Yes it was a bit late. Can't be helped.

I got the baby in the King Cake last year, so this year, I made the cake for the party. Here's the recipe I used:

King Cake (from Southern Living 1990)

I may further embellish this post on morrow next, but I lack sufficient brain power at the moment. Good night, New Orleans.

<embellishment>
So for further background, for those of you who don't know, it is Mardi Gras tradition to include a plastic baby in the king cake. Whoever gets the baby has to make the king cake for next year's party.

Also, regarding the lateness of this party, technically king cake can't be served except between January 6 (Epiphany) and Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday--February 8 this year). However, I don't think anyone at our particular party was offended.
</embellishment>

Be vewy vewy quiet...

We're hunting illegal immigrants! Not that it's illegal immigrant season...

Illegal Immigrant Hunt at UNT

The university's chapter of Young Conservatives of Texas held "Capture an Illegal Immigrant Day" on campus to call for tougher enforcement of federal immigration laws.

I don't think I like this. Some Latino organizations are calling this an act of racial hatred. The YCT holds that this is a protest against all illegal immigration, which, it points out, is illegal. Regardless, I think the event is completely in poor taste, regardless of what you think of its ramifications on free speech versus racial discrimination.

The Young Conservatives cited some cases in which people linked with al-Qaeda have been found illegally in the United States.

Well, that may be true, and I wouldn't say that illegal immigration isn't a problem that needs to be addressed. But think about where this event was taking place. For those of you not from this area, UNT is the University of North Texas. In Texas, you think "illegal immigrant" you think "hispanic." It's part of the culture in the area. I personally don't believe that the organizers of this event were overlooking this regional stereotype. Think about it. In the 80's, this might have been a "Hunt down the Commie Day," when you might look for anyone with a Russian accent. In the 1800s, you might have had what they called a "Witch Hunt" in which you would hunt down single women. Regardless of what you might say about "it could be anyone" you know where people will point the finger. And no, it doesn't help if you have fake "illegal immigrants" in shirts with "illegal immigrant" in bold letters across the front. The caricature, I think, only further isolates those who feel targeted.

Rene Garcia said, "The Latino population has a bit of angst about this."

I'm Asian, and I used to hate being stereotyped when I was in High School. It wasn't terribly amusing being asked if I knew what "Wang Chung" meant. I'm thankful that I didn't live during World War II, when I might actually be the target of physical attack for my perceived racial connections. I'm working in the VA this month, and there are still a couple of old vets who look at me sideways, and it makes me feel just horrible, regardless of the fact that my ancestors had nothing to do with Pearl Harbor. (For your records, my ancestors had their country taken over by the Japanese, then liberated by General MacArthur and the Americans.)

Michele Connole, the group's publicity coordinator, said that the event was a success and that it was not intended to be offensive.

"If it offends you, and you don't want to talk about it, just walk by," she said. "We're not going to stop just because somebody was offended. Personally, breaking the law is offensive to me."

It is one think to state your political beliefs. Illegal immigration = against the law = wrong. We get that. It is another thing to make your political beliefs into a game of targeting and singling out. That, I think is the flaw in this event. Janet Jackson could have said that she was protesting the child labor that made her malfunctioning wardrobe, but no one would have listened to that. The fact that her "protest" was offensive was enough to deem it at least highly inappropriate if not grounds for punishment. (Granted, there was no such excuse made, but bear with me for the sake of illustration, okay?)

"Many of us on the campus realize that immigration is a huge problem," Megan Svajda said. "But a handful of us disagree with how the organization went about discussing the issues. We felt the strategy behind it was a little distasteful."

The underlying politcal current I note here is that this time, free speech is used as a defense not by left-wing liberals, but by right-wing conservatives. The same happens in the prayer-in-schools debate. Most of the time, I tend to think of "freedom of speech and/or expression" as a liberal tenet, but at times like these, I see that it isn't. "Freedom of speech" is a tool of protest, nothing more. If I say something like "brownies are yummy," I have no need to invoke freedom of speech, because everyone probably agrees. I think this really highlights that sometimes the divide isn't between liberal and conservative, but rather between moderate and extremist. Reflecting back on the past election, that's really the line that each side tried to draw to demonstrate that the other candidate was in the wrong. The Democrats wanted us to believe that W was too conservative and the Republicans wanted us to believe that Kerry was too liberal. What we really needed was a leader who would listen to both halves of the political divide, to ensure that our voices are all heard. Then we might truly be the United States rather than this house now divided against itself.

At any rate, brownies are yummy.

Ashes

Today is Ash Wednesday. For you non-Catholics, that's the official beginning of our season of Lent, a time of reflection and sacrifice in preparation for Easter. As part of this day, we receive ashes on our foreheads in the shape of a cross as a sign of our humility and penitence. They used to always say "Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return." -- sort of a religious memento mori.

In that spirit (no pun intended) (seriously, no pun intended), I thought it might be a good time to comment on this:


Pope Misses Ash Wednesday Prayers

The Pope has been hospitalized with the flu for the past week. It's raised the question (it doesn't beg the question, by the way) again of whether he should resign. Apparently no pope has resigned since the 13th century. On the other hand, I've been taken down by a viral illness this past couple of weeks, and I understand the flu is a viral illness, but several magnitudes worse on a scale of overall cruddiness. That's not to say that His Holiness won't be making a full recovery. But I suppose the question is whether this is but the first serious illness he will have, to be followed by many others. Folks are living longer, but that also means they have more chances to get sick.

The Pope is the spiritual leader of the Catholic church. You have to wonder whether a prolonged illness would take away from his ability to lead, and whether that should be enough reason to find a new leader. I really don't know what to think about the whole thing, personally.

Many of those close to the Pope say there is no indication that he will step down and that for him to lead "it is sufficient that one's will be expressed, and be expressed in a clear way" according to Cardinal Pompedda. However I can't help but think that it's in the back of many minds at the Vatican (and at the front of some minds) that it is a very real possibility that he will step down.

Having spent a month working with the geriatric population, I know that many of them have every ounce of mental prowess at their disposal that they always had. However there is a significant population of elderly folks who don't. Some doctors think that Alzheimer's Disease is something that would affect everyone eventually, it's just that most people don't survive to be old enough for the disease to be evident, while others just develop symptoms more quickly. Losing your ability to remember and think is just about the scariest thing I can imagine.

At any rate, I do hope and pray that the Pope recovers, and I think that I'd support his decision either way on this matter at this point. I don't totally agree with everything he says, but the Catholic church is always been reluctant to embrace changes, even when a relatively "progressive" Pope (like our current Pope) is in power. He's certainly a leader I support more willingly than certain others I'm supposed to support.

So yeah, no vehement ranting or puns today. Just a thought and prayer.

Sick / Random Pun

I'm sick. After 2+ weeks of this, I finally had my nasopharynx looked at and confirmed what I already knew. I just have a bad cold. The doc told me to try out some Atrovent (and wrote me a scrip for it), which surprised me, since I think of Atrovent as an asthma medication. Apparently, it's also good at drying up these accursed secretions. Otherwise, fluids, ibuprofen, sleep... the standard. Makes you feel kind of helpless. The wife says I need to get better before the baby comes, or I won't be allowed to hold her. Trust me, dear, I'm working on it.

Anyway, I have very little of substance to comment on today, so have a Eastern philosophy pun:

A Zen Master walks up to a hot-dog seller, and says: "Make me one with everything."

In addition, how about a math pun:

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on deer skin; another slept on elk skin; the third slept on the skin of a hippopotamus. All three became pregnant. Each of the first two had a baby boy. The one who slept on hippo skin had twin boys. This proves that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

Finally, a biblical pun:

When Noah built his ark, he had two snakes aboard. When the animals were leaving, he said, "Go forth and multiply."

The snakes didn't move.

"Go forth and multiply!"

They still didn't move.

Noah was yelling by now. "Go forth and multiply!"

"We can't," they answered.

Noah was confused. "Why not?"

"We're adders."

Puns provided by RinkWorks and BadPuns.com.

By the way... Go Irish.

Death of a Satellite

Do not disassemble!

NASA Budget Would Kill Hubble

With the moon on its horizon, NASA sees a slight increase in the budget proposed by President Bush on Monday, but it's not enough to save the Hubble Space Telescope.

3 Reasons to save the Hubble:

1.

2.

3.

Meanwhile, going to the moon would give us a better view of... rocks... but they're moon rocks!

Obligatory Super Bowl Post

Pats by 3. I called it beforehand, but I didn't bet anything on it. I watched the game for two reasons:

• 1) It's pretty much the end of football until next fall.


• 2) Our new head coach is currently OC for the New England Patriots (though perhaps not by the time you read this post).

You'll note that neither of those includes me caring about either team. However, I do give props to Bean Town for having such a great year. BC is having quite a year in college basketball. Personally, I'm waiting for South Bend to have a banner year for its athletic teams, and I'm not referring to the Silver Hawks, either. So congratulations to the Patriots for winning yet again. My buddy John, who remains a die hard 49ers fan, says I need to have my own team to root for in the NFL, but to me, allegiance to professional sports seems more arbitrary than allegiance to college teams. I'm biased though, so to each his own.

Um... Go Irish?

Taking the drawl out of y'all

Growing up in Arkansas, I can totally appreciate this:


Learning to talk good, like them yankee folk

A new class... seeks to teach youngsters how to lose their Appalachian accents

Aside from the fact that I think the term "Appalachian Accent" isn't as descriptive as "Southern Accent," this is a dang good idea. I recall there was one dude in my philosophy class who made great contributions to discussion through his heavy Tennesseean accent. If he disagreed with you, all he had to do to prove you wrong was to repeat what you said with all the twang and drawl of an uneducated redneck. "Now, you're tryin' ta tell me that Dey-cart said God exists just 'cause he thinks he does? Shoot." Whatever it was sounded ridiculous. It was a sort of self-deprecating reductio ad absurdem, which worked because people identify heavy drawls with slower minds.

Seriously, if you had to choose between a public figure who spoke "proper English" and one who sounded like he just fell off the turnip truck, who would you pick? I mean, aside from the 51% of Americans who voted in the last election, most folk associate competency with being able to pronounce words the way they are set forth in the dictionary. Words like "nuclear" for example... I mean, ignoring the third pronounciation cited in that dictionary entry. Hold up. "Nuke ya lur" is an accepted pronounciation now? Come on, Merriam-Webster! Get your head in the game! This is a sad day for the English language. Forget I said anything. I give up. Y'all come back now, y'hear?

Alien Abduction

New/old diversion:


Alien Abduction

It's a simple, yet addictive game in which you abduct humans and other things to return to your mothership. Not much else to say, except that the 3D polygonal graphics are neat to play with.

The Price of Niceness: $900

C is for callous lawsuits!


Cookie delivery gone bad

Two teenage girls who surprised their neighbors with homemade cookies late one night were ordered to pay nearly $900 in medical bills for a woman who says she was so startled that she had to go to the hospital.

This story is not about our friend Cookie Monster. It is, rather about someone who apparently doesn't like cookies. These two teenagers thought they would surprise people by delivering cookies to their door. One ungrateful recipient was so frightened by the "shadowy figures" knocking on her door and running away that she went to the hospital shaking and with an upset stomach.

First of all, I question whether she truly had such a fragile psyche that she needed medical attention from the effects of the sheer stress. Second of all, I can tell you that the medical professionals who treated her in the ER were most likely not terribly impressed with her complaint, which I suspect may have been overblown so that this woman wouldn't have to go to work. Third, you'll note that she is apparently uninsured, having to foot the $900 ER bill (yes, it's that expensive to go to the ER, even if you have no good reason). Finally, what kind of twisted, heartless person sues people for trying to do something nice albeit random?

All this is stupidity is further compounded by the fact that she actually won her stupid lawsuit. You have got to be kidding me. Is this justice? This woman was quoted as saying that these girls showed "very poor judgment" and that "I just hope the girls learned a lesson." I'll say they learned a lesson. They should have just thrown toilet paper and rotten eggs all over your house instead of baking you cookies, you jerk. Her name is included in the article, by the way, so for future reference:

Wanita Renea Young of Durango, Colorado has no heart. She sold it for $900 and a free box of cookies.

Dan Brown, Heresy, and Grains of Salt

I seem to have crossed the proverbial ghostbusting beams in my previous post by simply recommending a book which has been recommended by many others, some more reputable than myself. Considering the cogent responses of some people very dear to me, I believe further commentary is necessary.

I will addend to my earlier recommendations regarding Dan Brown's books. I said:

I'd also recommend the Dan Brown books The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons, which are apparently popular with a lot of people. I liked them because they also made me feel smarter by educating me about a host of heretofore unknown facts or theories at least.

Here's the grain of salt: I never meant to imply that Dan Brown's books are entirely factual, despite his preface to the books which imply that they might be. I suppose that in mixing some facts (i.e. architecture and actual buildings) with falsehoods or debunked theories, it creates the illusion of presenting truth and nothing but the truth. I do recommend reading these books because they're intelligently written, but it is also worth warning that you shouldn't take them too seriously. There's a reason why the books are controversial.

It is important to note that, unlike much of what I actually say on this site, the opinions of the author of the books or the opinions of the characters depicted within are not those of the Nuclear Fleem Reactor. That's my disclaimer, so you can put your brand of heretic away, because I'm a good Catholic boy. (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!)

Seriously, though, do read the books, but keep in mind that just as Harry Potter books don't prove that wizards and dragons exist, Dan Brown's books don't prove anything new about Jesus Christ or the Catholic Church's secrets. Goodnight everyone.


PS The Da Vinci Code gets all the controversial attention, but I personally enjoyed Angels and Demons more, and not just because it's laden with fewer instances of heresy, neither.

State of the Whatever

So if you had been reading my blog prior to the election, then you know where I stand regarding a certain consonant and unyielding president (pun intended). As such, you might expect that I have some commentary regarding this State of the Union address.

Well, I didn't watch it, and I really don't care to rehash its "finer" points. As my friend Jim put it this evening, "Dude, I already know what the State of the Union is." I, for one, don't place much stock in hearing W's version of it. I've heard some disturbing rumors in the past month... such as the 4-day inauguration gala costing us 40 million dollars which is being billed to my daughter... or that he doesn't want the cost of rebuilding Iraq (or blowing it up again) to be considered part of this year's budget, so that he can make good on his campaign promise to cut the national deficit without raising taxes. I ought to find more

I and 49% of my fellow Americans are quite sick of it, and I just can't bear to watch it any more. So to those of you who were expecting some sort of witty retort to the speech tonight, you can look elsewhere to folks who are more clever than I and who have a greater tolerance level for this sort of thing.

I've very much lost heart since the election. I even tried to put the thing behind me and look at the benefits, (for example, despite being labeled by some as a liberal, I'm quite the Pro-Life, Christian morals guy) but that came crashing down the day after the election when W was smirking at the camera as he celebrated his "mandate." Way to build bipartisan unity, man. Go team.

To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.

--Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Book View: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

I'm reading a book. This is not a pre-view, because I've already started reading it. It's not a re-view, because I haven't finished reading it. It's just a view. Let's get on with it.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
Robert Pirsig

So I've been in the process of reading this book for the past 2 years. Damon lent it to me, knowing my interest in philosophy and my perusal of a similarly themed book called Zen Guitar. I had difficulty getting through Zen Guitar because it lacked back story. It was like trying to read the Tao Te Ching. All that heavy Eastern philosophy without a thread to keep me engaged.

This book has a biographical story weaved into its philosophical meanderings. The basic story is one of a father and son going out for a cross-country motorcycle ride. Along the way, the father (the narrator) launches into a chautauqua about the state of the world today regarding our disconnect with technology.

The idea and philosophy he constructs is really a bit esoteric for the non-philosophically minded. Having an undergraduate degree in philosophy, I rather enjoy it. But what I think gives this book some wider appeal is the variety of subject matter the narrator incorporates into the story. There have been so many interesting points to ponder along the way -- that's why it's taken me so long to get through this thing. I'm currently on yet another break from reading the book, partially because I'm now back doing work all day long, but also because I was starting to become a bit overwhelmed with the subject material.

For example, there is the mention of the early days of the theory of relativity. For years, science had built a "Gilded Age" in which people thought that all the answers would eventually be outlined in hard scientific laws. Then, some mathematicians, in an effort to prove Euclid's fifth postulate -- which was equivalent to the parallel postulate which states that

Given any straight line and a point not on it, there "exists one and only one straight line which passes" through that point and never intersects the first line, no matter how far they are extended.

--from http://mathworld.wolfram.com/ParallelPostulate.html

This seems rather self-evident to those of us who took geometry in high-school, yeah? Well, people had been trying to prove it for centuries without avail. So these two mathematicians, Bolyai and Lobachevsky, independently tried to prove the postulate by disproving its opposite. That is to say, if they reversed this postulate and assumed that two lines could pass through the same point and still be considered parallel, the whole of geometry would collapse due to logical contradictions. The problem? They found no inconsistencies. Essentially, they found an entirely new kind of geometry, now called Non-Euclidean Geometry.

All of this mind-blowing material is something I've recently read, which is really but a side-road from the main point the author seeks to make, and the book is riddled with them. But I feel smarter and more enlightened to be exposed to this. I was completely reeling trying to take in the idea of Non-Euclidean Geometry. I still am, actually.

At any rate, I do recommend reading this book if you're looking for some reading material that will make you feel smarter without your have to feel like you're studying or memorizing stuff. Along that line, I'd also recommend the Dan Brown books The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons, which are apparently popular with a lot of people. I liked them because they also made me feel smarter by educating me about a host of heretofore unknown facts or theories at least.

It is super late, and I need to be at work at 7:15 in the morning (we're cutting some dude's neck open). So goodnight.