A Math Pun Quiz

Put away your books. Pop quiz on math puns:

• 01. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter:


• 02. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup:


• 03. 1 millionth of green mouthwash:


• 04. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement:


• 05. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour:


• 06. 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling:


• 07. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone:


• 08. Half of a large intestine:


• 09. 1000 aches:


• 10. Basic unit of laryngitis:


• 11. 453.6 graham crackers:


• 12. 1 trillion microphones:


• 13. 1 million bicycles:


• 14. 2000 mockingbirds:


• 15. 10 cards:


• 16. 1 kilogram of falling figs:


• 17. 1000 cubic centimeters of wet German socks:


• 18. 1 millionth of a fish:


• 19. 1 trillion pins:


• 20. 10 rations:


• 21. 100 rations:


• 22. 2 monograms:


• 23. 2000 dawns:


• 24. 8 nickels:


• 25. 3 statute miles of intravenous tubing at Yale University Hospital:

Please submit your answers in the form of a comment. Please do not look other student's papers. I will have your grades back to you by the end of the week.

Episode III (No Spoilers)

Saw it last night...


Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Most of you haven't seen this yet, so I promise there are no spoilers here, just impressions. As such, this promises to be a very short post. Onward...

This is by far the best of the three new Star Wars movies, and I'm tempted to say that it makes up for the not-so-good Episode II. On the other hand, if not for Episode II, I might not have been so pained by the continued crappiness of the dialogue. I hear that Tom Stoppard was brought in to help polish the dialogue this time. George Lucas was still the main writer though, so you can imagine what Stoppard had to work with... I will now impart the same curse upon you that a recent NPR story imparted upon me before I saw the movie. I'm paraphrasing here:

There's only so much you can do with a line like, "Hold me, like you did by the lake at Naboo."

I spent the first part of the movie just waiting for that line to hit me like an imperial super star destroyer slamming into the Death Star (consult Episode VI for reference). I hoped that anticipating it would soften the blow, but it didn't. The line was just as bad as promised. There is a lot of repetition in the film's most heated exhortations, which makes you think that Lucas, upon writing an actual good line (or upon reading one that Stoppard wrote), thought it was so good that it bore repeating. The main dialogue issues are the same as they have been for the last two movies--Lucas relies on tired and hackneyed phrases far, far too much. I will say that I was amused that the line "I have a bad feeling about this" was thrown in as what I hope was an intention gaffe of Lucas on his own poor script writing (for the non-geeky, that line appears no less that 47,891 times in the original trilogy). I'm also happy to report that Jar-Jar Binks has a total of 0 lines.

The film is visually stunning, so much so that you feel a bit overwhelmed at times. Actually, I think that a lot of extra special effects (droids wiggling around, spacecraft zooming by) were added in to distract you from the ridiculous dialogue. This has the unwanted effect of taking away any chance the film's more emotional scenes had of really touching you... not that there is much chance--Stoppard wrote Shakespeare in Love, but Lucas wrote Vader in Love. The battle sequences, the real meat of the movie are well-done and the lightsaber duels are really quite graceful. LucasArts has been making video games long enough to at least know how to do that right.

The score is, of course, fantastic. John Williams never loses his touch. I got goosebumps every time he would weave in a hint of his original themes (e.g. the Imperial Death March). I think the movie might have been better with no dialogue and just the visual scenes backed up by the score... maybe some sound effects.

As for the stuff I can't talk about--the plot points, that is--I am most satisfied. You'll hear this a lot if you listen to any reviews, but this piece fits very well into the puzzle of the Star Wars saga. So many loose ends are tied up, it's downright macrame. If you have a geekish bone in your body, you must see this movie. It's passable as a stand-alone movie, but the absolute closure it brings is priceless.

May the Force be with you.

Hooray for the Military! Hooray for the Media!

Here's a series of unfortunate events for you...


You put our Holy Book on the toilet? We burn your precious flag!


Wait, you weren't sure about that before you incited riots? Are you kidding?

So here's the scoop:

• 1. Newsweek reports that US interrogators had desecrated the Koran (or Quran, if you want to be confusing about the phonetics) by placing copies on toilets.


• 2. Anti-American riots break out in muslim cities around the world. I think 15 people have been killed in these riots.


• 3. The US Government denies the allegations and demands a retraction of the story.


• 4. Newsweek decides that, since its government source for the story had backed out, it will go ahead and retract the story.

Right, so what's not to love about this story? If you're viewing it from the right, you'll see that the media is being irresponsible in its reporting and not thinking about the potential dangerous ramifications of publishing such a controversial story without having first checked its facts. If you're viewing it from the left, you'll see that it's quite probable that military officials have indeed desecrated the Koran in more than one instance, and that the government is trying to cover up.

If you're standing in the middle, like me, you'll see both of these things, and it will just sicken you. If I were to get jiggity with it, I might do some roasting, with a very slight chance of toasting by mid-afternoon. But I'm not going to do that... I'll probably just do some less structured ranting and commentary for a bit, if that's alright with you.

From the right: The media should be more responsible about the stories it runs.

Indeed. Smarter-that-I-am comedian Jon Stewart pointed out during the last election that the goal of so-called journalists these days seems to be to get the most outrageous story or commentary out there, whether you're Fox News or the Liberal Media (allegedly everyone else). I'm not sure that the media is responsible for censoring out stories that might cause, say, riots because of their inflammatory nature. Making people aware of information is no crime. But as a matter of responsibility or at least as a matter of covering your hiney, as a news organization, you'd best be sure of your facts before you go presenting it to us ignorant masses. Let's face it, you and I, as regular non-journalists, get all our facts through some filter, and we trust our sources to give us the facts that we rant about. A little caution is all I ask. I'll gladly sacrifice the up-to-the-minute speed for greater accuracy.

From the left: Those in the government/military are desecrating the Koran.

I believe that this is indeed happening, though not necessarily on order from higher levels. I recall having heard similar stories being told by Iraqi interpreters working with US military forces. (To paraphrase: A soldier picks up a book from the rubble of a demolished building and asks the interpreter what it is. The interpreter, a muslim, responds that it is the Koran, the holy book of Islam. The soldier proceeds to tear the book into shreds.) It's what I'd consider expected behavior from the stereotypical frustrated soldier who hates the enemy who has killed his buddy and so many of his countrymen. It's ignorant, of course, because you don't go around tearing up bibles when you're angry at the KKK. Is it too much to expect that from soldiers who have been out there too long and who might only have wanted to be in the reserve as a part-time committment to help them pay for college? Maybe. But this sort of thing is what breeds terrorists and makes sure that we have enemies in the future. I think that's a very important point that is probably skipped in basic training.

I think that both the military and the media need to stop and think about what they're trying to accomplish. Ideally, the military is seeking to provide a lasting peace and to prevent the seeds of terrorism that are the ostensible reason for our current military budget. Ideally, the media is seeking to keep the public informed about world events. You can argue that one or the other is really trying to do that, but, from where I sit here on the fence, there are a few blatant examples to the contrary.

Mr. Nintendo's Opus

Have you seen/heard this guy?

The Video Game Pianist

Another one of those random amusements you run across on the internet. This classically-trained pianist makes it his lifework to play video game music... sometimes blindfolded... sometimes backwards. He's certainly a much better pianist than I am, though probably not the world's greatest. What is important is that he has a gimmick and that he's very good at what he does.

You owe it to your nerdy self to watch a couple of his videos for nostalgia's sake. A couple which have been highly recommended to me are Super Mario #2 and the Zelda Medley.

That's it for tonight. Bye.

Bolton

Back to politics...


Bolton: I'm gonna clean up the UN with my dulcet voice!

Ha ha... you've heard that one already? I know, I'm supposed to be talking about this guy:


Bolton: I hate the UN! Grrr!

Well, in today's news: Turncoat Republican says Bolton is a doofus, White House responds "Nuh-uh!"

To get you up to date on the players here, John Bolton has been a loyal member of the Bush team, but also a constant voice of criticism against the UN. In the past 4 years, he has served in the Bush cabinet as undersecretary of state for arms control and international security. He has been accused, among other things, of being an arrogant bully. Since he was nominated for the position of UN Ambassador, there have been many, mostly Democrats, but now some Republicans, who doubt his qualifications for the post. However, speaking in defense of President Bush's choice,

Sen. Richard Lugar, R-Indiana, who is managing the nomination ... said if Bolton goes to the United Nations and helps achieve reform, the U.N. will gain in credibility, especially among the American people. "Secretary Bolton has become closely associated with the United States' efforts to reform the U.N.," the chairman said.

I think this statement very much sums up what is wrong with the Bush administration's idea of what that UN is all about. It seems to me that Bush and his budddies view the UN as a means to enforce American policy. Its unwillingness to support US foreign policy has been a thorn in the government's side, and they believe that it is our American duty to reform the UN. Apparently, the American people have lost their trust in the UN, and this loud-mouthed reformer will fix all that.

But it is precisely because of men like Bolton that Americans no longer believe in the UN. If the US government were to stop disrespecting the UN, then the US people might have more respect for the UN. It's simple, isn't it? I somehow doubt that ambassador Bolton would help Americans respect the UN.

That's all I have to say about that.

Coming Soon: The Chronicles of Narnia

Tired today, recovering from our recent travels. Just wanted to share this:



Coming December 9, 2005:
The Chronicle of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Will it fill the void left by the Lord of the Rings? I guess we'll just have to see. But it looks like it might be cool, based on these featurettes (2). Some reasons why this might be as cool as LoTR:

• JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis were friends, and their relationship helped them develop their respective masterworks and their fantastical worlds. Their writing styles are distinct, but their themes of Christianity played out in fantasy worlds are unmistakeably related.


• The special effects are being handled by WETA, who also handled the special effects for (surprise!) Lord of the Rings.


• The director, Andrew Adamson, also directed Shrek and Shrek 2. Not Lord of the Rings, really, but fine movies in their own right. Besides, aren't you tired of seeing that scruffy and rotund Peter Jackson collecting awards? Yeah, this guy is also somewhat scruffy... but he's also gangly. (Oooh!)

I contend that this movie will be something to look forward to.

Orthawgrufee!

Or rather...

or·thog·ra·phy

• 1 a : the art of writing words with the proper letters according to standard usage


• 1 b : the representation of the sounds of a language by written or printed symbols


• 2 : a part of language study that deals with letters and spelling

--from m-w.com

Ah, orthography. A good word for a lost art. Today, I reflect on the fact that people no longer care about their spelling, even if it should be their business to know. When I was in high school, we had this troll of a woman for a biology teacher. She insisted that we spell words properly--this is a biology class, mind you--especially the word "separate" (there's "a rat" in "separate"). We all disliked the woman, but I gained from that the ability to separate good spellers from bad.

I'm not looking to villanize the bad spellers of the world. They are so numerous now, that I would be ostracizing so great a portion of the populace to be considered an elitist. I know that some people have no knack for spelling, and never shall, due to some twist of genetics and upbringing. There are a few bad spellers of whom I am quite fond, let me tell you.

Life is full of stupid rules and English spelling is perhaps full of more than its fair share of these. I mean, if you take bits and pieces of a dozen disparate languages and force them to live together in peace, you'll have a lot of stupid rules about spelling (and grammar, for that matter) that seem to lack any semblance of logic. But we need the rules to maintain order. Can you imagine a world of spelling anarchy? Awehast ñdahsn eqlwllva awagbüe pocntyd! (That would be completely ridiculous!)

But as I mentioned above, it's not necessarily everyone's business to know how to spell every word in the English language properly. Coal miners, for example, probably have little use for such drivel. However, let me give a personal example. I was at my sister's graduation last weekend. It was held in a large arena with a Jumbo-tron displaying live feed from cameras stationed about the room. As the graduates entered, there were occasional messages displayed along with video of them processing expressing well wishes and what not. Among the messages were several of "Congradulations!" It's one thing when a 7 year-old tries her hardest to create a congratulatory card with the word "Gengadulashns" prominently displayed in red crayon. It's another thing when your job as an adult is to type words that will be read by thousands of people.

Similarly, if it is your self-appointed duty to post words to say--I don't know--one of those "web logs," then you are responsible for protecting the English language from further disintegration. Be kind to your language. It's abused as it is with so many of its better words languishing in disuse while more inane aspects are like, you know, all over the place, you know?

I know there are 12 year-olds out there producing pages upon pages of worthless "internet speak." Don't be part of the problem, say I. Learn to spell and save your own language from certain destruction.

Bracelets

My wife, daughter, and I are in the midst of uprooting ourselves and relocating in Atlanta. That's why there haven't been any updates in more than a week. The same affliction has been impeding updates to Gabi's Blog. I've also been bothering Jiggity John in person, thus prompting his hiatus. All that being said, an actual post:


It's rubber-bracelet-mania!

Despite the fact that you can indiscriminately buy packs of 500 assorted rubber bracelets and support a random assortment of causes, depending on your mood, the idea behind this was originally the same as the wearing of the little ribbons, which seemed popular in 90's award ceremonies. It was not only a fashion accessory, but a statement of support. It says "I donated $2.00 to such-and-such a cause, and all I got was this lousy rubber band."

Really, they're far from lousy. I mean, these are quality rubber bands. Not really what you'd choose to shoot someone with in a crowded classroom, but they're nigh invulnerable. I own two myself, which I did not purchase in bulk. Indeed, I received both of these gratis, but I wear them to show support:


Notre Dame Fighting Irish / Hannah & Friends
This is my gold ND/Autism bracelet. It shows support for Charlie Weis' autism foundation. I don't claim that autism is the world's most devastating or most deadly diseases, but I've interacted with autistic kiddos directly by virtue of hanging out with some of the children my wife did therapy for back at ND. It's a fascinating condition from a neurological and developmental standpoint and a frustrating one on a more personal level. Before Rain Man, no one had ever heard of autism, and after Rain Man, most people had an erroneous picture of what autism is. I will refer you to the Autism Society of America for a more accurate depiction.

The fact that this is a cool-looking gold bracelet which simultaneously shows support for my school is an added bonus/a/um. (That's Latin humor, inspired by too many conversations with Jiggity John.) Actually, the Hannah & Friends foundation supports improving quality of life for folks with autism, but there are other, more well-established bracelets and charities that are more focused on research. But then, those other charities don't have the personal appeal of the gold ND in my mind. So perhaps the visual non-charitable effect is more central in my wearing the bracelet than I first suggested.

Anyway, moving onward, my other bracelet is a green color like this:


...but not exactly. I can't seem to locate an actual picture of my bracelet, which is probably because I acquired it from a local organization rather than one with more national exposure. However, it supports the deserving cause of organ donation, which I've commented on in the past.

So hey, I'm trendy and somewhat active in supporting worthy causes. (I do support my favorite charities more substantially than wearing some mass-produced trinket.) I don't yet own the most trendy of all, the famed yellow LiveStrong bracelet... but I'm thinking about it. Don't look at it as me looking at getting a collector's item, if I were in this for bracelet collection, I'd get a 500-pack. But curing cancer is an important cause, perhaps more important than autism or organ donation. Cancer ranks second among causes of death in America, behind heart disease. Is there a heart disease bracelet out there? Something with the golden arches crossed out or something? I think there's some generic-looking red one with little publicity.

We'll see. I worry that there are so many good causes out there that I'll end up looking like a multi-colored version of this guy:


And then you need to think about whether your $2 is well-spent. As I recall, 100% of LiveStrong bracelet proceeds go to support cancer research. Meanwhile, articles such as this point out that not all bracelet sales are so beneficial. Still, if you're going to take part in a fashion trend, it might as well be one that does at least a small amount of good, yeah?